Live.Laugh.Love

I miss writing so, so, so much.  I’ve been caught up with life, school, and work that when I do have the extra time, I only want to lay down and do absolutely nothing.  I need to get back into this soon though because writing really calms me down and allows me to get back in touch who I am and what I am striving for.

On a side note before I try to go do some homework (or fall asleep…), I’ve managed to check a thing off my bucket list today- I donated blood for the first time!  I’ve tried twice when I was in high school and both times, I either didn’t weigh enough or didn’t have enough iron.  I honestly didn’t think I would pass the test today simply because I’ve had consistent low iron levels in the past.  The cutoff iron level for giving blood was 12.5 and my sample today was 12.6.  All I can say is that It truly was a miracle.  ^_^  I don’t think there are any words to describe how I was feeling when I knew that I was going to become a donor: excited, nervous, nauseous, happy, emotional….a bunch of emotions just running through my head because although I have always wanted to give blood, I’m also deathly afraid of blood and needles (shoots…why am I going in to Public Health again?).  Fortunately I was very lucky to have one of my really good friends there for support.  He came after a simple phone call and I definitely couldn’t have made it to the other side without him there to provide me with dumb jokes, farts, a hand to hold when the needle came, and a place were I could cry afterwards.  

Even though giving blood is common and isn’t a big deal to people. being able to give blood meant a lot to me.  A big part of it is because I have never been able to it before.  I don’t like being defined and bound by things I can’t do and so I made it as one of my goals to one day be able to donate.  Who knew that one day would have come so soon?  It was a spur of the moment where I honestly don’t know what I was thinking but I suddenly had the urge to go give blood today.  Thus, low and behold, I did.  It’s such a rewarding feeling to know that I will be able to save 3 lives today.  I am blessed to be a healthy, young girl that I want to be able to help others as much as I can; even if it means doing something that scares me.  There are so many others who are less fortunate than I am and I can’t take for granted what I’ve been given with everyday.  So we can only play our part by helping others in any way possible.  It doesn’t get any better than that because giving blood allowed me to tackle two challenges at one time: I was able to help someone live while also facing my fears.  Double win.

Thus, life’s given happiness #43: Giving blood, saving lives, facing your fears.

Just an oldie pic to go with some oldie, lingering thoughts.  

But oh dear oh my, it’s been quite a while since I’ve written anything.  I’ve missed it so much and I guess that’s a big part of why I’ve decided to put some time aside to dedicate to journaling (is that even a word?) on this quiet night.  Quite a few things have happened since the last time I shared anything.  In all honesty, I do not know where to start…so here’s a bunch of scribbles just for my own purpose:

1. AKPsi’s Principled Business Leadership Institute in Reno, NV: my biggest road trip I’ve taken with just friends and was one of the top weekends thus far with business/professional/leadership development and endless memories in the Casino hotel full of gambling drunkees, cowboy dancing, 21 wristbands, and slot machines.  

2.  Khmer Cultural Night: My second year being a part of CSA’s Night and it was amazing as always.  Although I haven’t been as involved with them this year, they always treat me so well and I’m blessed to be part of a close knit family.  Queen Soma for life and bedtime stories to put Randy to sleep.  

3.  Franklin’s 21st birthday: Raging fun.  Much thanks to the Hawaiian boys who hosted at their townhouse.  Franklin was such a champ and didn’t come home until 2:30 am, still perfectly fine.  

With that all put aside, I feel like this year is simply flying by.  Remember when we were young once upon a time and everything felt like it dragged on and on and you couldn’t wait to grow up?  Now, all I want is to stop growing and pause life so I can enjoy every single detail.  Ironic how we always want what we can’t have.  

I encountered quite a few roadbumps recently in regards to various aspects of my life, one including making a very important decision about my career pathway that would determine basically my life.  It was a jumbled mess one week ago and I recall feeling so confused and frustrated that as I am coming to an end with my undergraduate studies, I suddenly realized I didn’t know where and what I wanted to go.  And as I have been trying to register for the GRE and exploring which grad school I may want to go to, all I could do was bite my nails, pull my hair, think about how there wasn’t enough time…I practically had steam blowing out my ears.  

That and along with some other things that have been going on lately, it came to my mind that I was thinking and analyzing everything way too much for my own good.  It is what I do- I like to plan, to layout my life, to have a set map of what needs to be accomplished by what time.  Well my dear tumblr friends, let me tell you that life will NEVER go the way you plan it.  So for this post, I just want to share this little piece of something I hope will reach out and connect with you: As much as we plan and hope for things to go a certain way, we will see that things do not necessarily go the way we want.  However, we have the power within ourselves to make the best of our situations.  I am a true believer in believing that everything happens for a reason.  Life is too short to live without doing things you want.  Do what your heart tells you.  And if things don’t work out, at least you tried.  Take the chances.  Take the risks.  Enjoy what life gives you because you don’t want to look back and always ask yourself, “What if?”  What if, what if, what if.  We should do the things we secretly yearn for because….why not?  Why not?  We have nothing to lose.  If things work out for us, great!  It not, what does it matter?  As for me, I’m going to take the GRE because why not.  Although it’s scaring the rainbows out of me, why not try it.  And then at least I know I had it in me to take it.  

We can’t always be afraid to try things.  Be willing to take chances.  There’s support all around you.  Smile and chase your dreams.  Because who knows, you might just be able to catch them in the palm of your hands.  :)

Thus, life’s given happiness #42: Taking chances. 
     

Beautiful.

If I were to choose one word to describe this past weekend, it would be beautiful. I had the amazing chance to attend an unforgettable retreat in Newport with a group of 47 people. It was an emotionally packed and high energy 2 days with those whom I now proudly think of as my VSA family. I currently serve as the secretary for VSA and during the past couple of weeks, I was beginning to doubt myself as an officer. After months of countless hours put aside for both officer and general meetings, I felt like I wasn’t living up to par of what I was representing. I felt a disconnect from what was supposed to be a close, tight-knit bubble and I didn’t feel appreciated for all the things I’ve done. There were too many things going on in my life and instead of being on top of it, I felt myself beginning to slip away from my priorities and goals.

The day before the retreat, I stayed up until 4am not being able to sleep because of the stress and worries- fear that the retreat would not run smoothly and all our hard work would have been for nothing. But goodness was I 100000000000 (bar on top)% wrong. Everyone who came were all so welcoming, warm, willing to participate, easy going, loving, and etc that even if this retreat was poorly planned, it would have been a great weekend nonetheless. One of the things that amazes me the most is that the retreat fell on a 3 day weekend. Instead of choosing to go home or go somewhere with friends, these 47 individuals chose to spend it with us- with VSA. The reason why I say this weekend was beautiful was because of all the powerful moments we shared. We held workshops all throughout Saturday and we closed the retreat with a very touching subject. I led the ending workshop that challenged members to something that they fear or are ashamed of; the purpose was to have people realize that we might not know everyone’s story but to realize that there are others who suffer through their own pains; to let the members understand sympathy and empathy. The instructions were to write down your story and put it into the the box anonymously and all the stories would be shared. There would be no judgement, no pity, no nothing because no one would know who wrote what. And as I read off all the sheets of paper, I felt like it really resonated with everyone in the room. Tears were shed, feelings were shared, love was given, support was gave out, and people opened up afterwards to share their own personal stories.

Most importantly, we each had a love bag where people could write notes to you throughout the weekend. I received such sweet comments thanking me for the workshop and one really special one where someone told me that they secretly looked up to me. I feel like we’re just all tiny bugs trying to make it through life so when someone says something like that, I was overjoyed. It really hit me then that this was why I chose to be a part of VSA. It reminded me of all the reasons why I am pursuing the hopes and dreams that I have chosen. I was overcome with all these feelings from this weekend- confusion, love, sympathy, empathy, care, frustration, happiness…and to know that I was able to reach out to so many people was one of the most meaningful moments of my life. Thank you so much for this experience.

Thus, life’s given happiness #41: VSA and all the other supporting clubs that give you a family and home away from home.

Look what I found!  This was especially written for me way back in the days of high school by the sweet, one and only Katrina.  How am I so lucky to meet all these wonderful people who just spoils me with sentimental things, which I treasure the most?  I never ever want to lose this.  <3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Jessica Song     By Katrina

Who is that girl walking down the street?
That lovely little lass that everyone’s glad to meet.
Jumping hurdles in track and kicking butt in school.
She’s awsome, she’s sweet, et elle c’est tres tres cool!
People ask her
“Hey, what’s your name?
comment appel tu?”
she says 
“Hi my name is Jessica. It’s nice to meet you!”
She plays water polo and swims on the team.
If Aloha was coffee, she’d be the cream.
Her head is full of knowledge and she is an incredible teacher.
If there was one word for Jessica, it’d be AMAZING, for sure. :)
Hollerrr! :D

Thus, life’s given happiness #40: Your very own theme song.